What Happened?
Friday, October 21, 2005//

I really really don't feel like myself today..I don't even know what happened..it's like i'm a whole new different person yet i'm still the same..i don't feel comfortable being with anyone for the matter, or even holding anything..i feel that i will lose everything in a matter of seconds yet i still allow myself to let go of them..i dont know if i'm still the sane person that i know that i am and i don't even know why..it's like everything is falling appart, yet again..parang hindi...di ko maintindihan ang sarili ko ngayon and i am not in the mood to go up and annoy people right now..sana maayos ko tong nangyayari sa akin na hindi ko man lang alam kung bakit nangyayari..bkit kaya?i feel na everyone is taking everything yet i allow them to take it without regret and i feel na dahan dahang mawawala ang lahat ng ngayong akin n sa susunod ay magiging sa kanila na...pati friends ko may aangkin nang iba..mga gamit ko nakukuha na ng iba..the trust people have on me is slowly na nawawala and next time, they won't even give a damn about my existence..then i would be alone while nagpapakasaya ang lahat ng taong kumuha ng mga akala ko na nasa akin..nobody else that i know of feels this way, i think...but..at least may nakakaintindi man lang ba ng nararamdaman ko?my best friends are slowly finding people na mas mapahahalagahan nla and it makes me feels so worthless..worthless naman ako talaga dba?kaya maraming nagagalit sa akin because of my worthlessness..maybe i am not even worthy to live the life that i am living right now kaya nawawala ang lahat slowly..but i still let it happen..and without regret..is it really necessary?when i let go of everything may matitira p b s akin?well..nobody really cares how i feel..except me..pero kung dahn dahan akong maging selfless baka talagang mawala na ang lahat sa akin..do i even give a damn?i think i should just let things happen the way they are going and mawala na ang lahat sa akin at okay lang..when i think i dont deserve living the life that i have..baka talagang i don't deserve anything..other people deserve better than having me as a friend, because i am worth nothing but a piece of trash..im just garbage..thats what everyone thinks naman dba?i am also starting to feel that way too..and i think its true..kc wala naman talaga akong kwenta..i'm just a burden..thats the way they treat me..a burden..maybe i should just get used to it..being a burden is not bad..right?im just a burden...and the next thing i know..wala na ang lahat sa akin...


---cRaZy gUrL---
9:44 PM


Me
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NAME: Sharmaine Santiago
AGE: 14
BIRTHDATE: November 19, 1991
LOCATION: Manila, Philippines
SCHOOL: Saint Jude Catholic School



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